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The Other Five Love Languages

By Sarah AkinterinwaFebruary 3, 2023This is drawn from “Why You’ll Never Find the One: And Why It Doesn’t Matter.”

Introducing PenceGPT, from the Makers of ChatGPT

Photograph by Santiago Mejia / San Francisco Chronicle / Hearst Newspapers / Getty By Prabha KannanFebruary 3, 2023Thank you for your interest in PenceGPT, a new product from OpenAI, the maker of ChatGPT, in collaboration with former Vice-President Mike Pence (long suspected to himself be a bot of some kind, on account of his dead eyes, soulless demeanor,...

Five Things I Simply Cannot Live Without During the Zombie Apocalypse

By Sharon Lee De La CruzFebruary 2, 2023

Kari Lake Furious That No One Has Searched Her Home for Stolen Documents

Photograph by Brian Snyder / Reuters / AlamyBy Andy BorowitzFebruary 2, 2023PHOENIX (The Borowitz Report)—Kari Lake said that she is “absolutely furious and outraged” that no one has performed a search of her home for stolen documents.“The F.B.I. has been raiding the house of every Tom, Dick, and Harry, but somehow doesn’t think mine is worthy of their...

Billionaires: They’re Just Like Us!

By John McNameeFebruary 1, 2023

Are You There Margaret? It’s Me, God

Photograph from FluxFactory / GettyBy Tom SmythFebruary 1, 2023Are you there Margaret? It’s me, God. I just saw your messages. Sorry it’s taken so long to get back to you—I’ve just been totally swamped. I’m glad to hear that everything went O.K. with your period. It sounded like you were pretty worried about it. My bad for missing all that.And it sounds...

Everything Coming to and Leaving Your Favorite Streaming Service This Month

Photograph by Aleksandar Nakic / GettyBy Carlos GreavesJanuary 31, 2023Coming this month:February 1: A high-budget fantasy series based on a book your weird cousin in Tucson was obsessed with fifteen years ago.February 4: A reality dating show filmed on a tropical island where everyone sleeps in the same room and the entire concept seems to revolve...

Dear Pepper: Avert Your Eyes

By Liana FinckJanuary 30, 2023Dear Pepper is a monthly advice-column comic by Liana Finck. If you have questions for Pepper about how to act in difficult situations, please direct them to Questions may be edited for brevity and clarity.Dear Pepper,Possibly because I’m not the most naturally social person, I️ care a lot...

Trump Says DeSantis Lacks the Classified Documents Necessary to Be President

Photograph by James Gilbert / GettyBy Andy BorowitzJanuary 30, 2023PALM BEACH (The Borowitz Report)—As Ron DeSantis reportedly prepares a White House bid, Donald J. Trump accused the Florida Governor of lacking the classified documents necessary to be President of the United States.“A President needs nuclear codes, weapons designs, top-secret stuff...

America!: Other Eccentric Tycoons Who Have Ruined Things

By Ali FitzgeraldJanuary 29, 2023     

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