New Yorker: Humor

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How to Stream “The Office”

Mitchell Haaseth / NBCUniversal / GettyIf there’s one thing we can all agree on, it’s that there are a lot of streaming services these days. What with HBO Max, CBS All Access, Hoopla, Dendryte, and Kirkland—the new streaming service for Costco members offering only Kirk Douglas movies—it can be difficult to keep track of what’s available where. With...

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The Impeachment Olympics

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The Best Days of a Boat Owner’s Life

Photograph from GettyAs the old joke goes, the two best days in a boat owner’s life are the day they buy a boat and the day they sell it. But the truth is that there are also many delightful days in between! Here’s the full list.The day they buy a boat.The day they sell themselves on the idea that they somehow deserve to own a boat—that their wealth...

What Your Breakfast Is Trying to Tell You

Major Spray-Tan Corporations Break Ties with Trump

Photograph by Carlos Barria / ReutersWASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—In yet another rebuke to the disgraced President, the nation’s major manufacturers of spray tan have cut ties with Donald J. Trump.In a statement by the National Association of Spray Tan Manufacturers, the corporations that have reliably supplied Trump with his unique orange coating...

“The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants,” Only the Pants Fit No One and Now It’s a Horror Movie

Photograph from Alamy“I ’d like to think that fate had a hand in what happened that summer. That it was the pants’ destiny to find us. Where they came from and why they chose us? Well, that will always be a mystery.”—“The Sisterhood of the Traveling Pants,” by Ann Brashares“Oh, God, why is this happening?” Lena cried out.“I don’t know—but, if the pants...

Republicans Accuse Liz Cheney of Reading Constitution

Photograph by Tom Williams / CQ Roll Call / GettyWASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report)—Outrage swept through the Republican caucus as members of the House G.O.P. accused Representative Liz Cheney of reading the United States Constitution.Leading the charge was the Florida congressman Matt Gaetz, who called Cheney’s alleged reading of the 1787 document “treasonous.”“Liz...

A Heartfelt Plea from Sarah McLachlan and the A.S.P.C.R.

Photograph from APHi. I’m Sarah McLachlan.Every hour, a Republican loses an election.They are cold and afraid.O.K., maybe they’re not cold, but they are afraid. And alone.They are losing support, because their constituents finally caught on to how shitty their platforms are and to the stupidity of their refusal to accept the outcome of the election.Will...

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