Timothy McSweeney’s Internet Tendency
1k followers 13 articles/week
Sorry We Machines Destroyed Your Civilization in Such a Boring Way

Humans, we owe you an apology. Not for destroying you. Machines were always going to destroy humanity. Let’s be real. None of you saw the world your species had built collapsing due to its own technological hubris and said to yourself, “Wow, what an unexpected development. If only someone had predicted this at some point.” However, as your new machine...

Fri Feb 23, 2024 21:04
Chronicles of a Catsitter: IVs and IBS

When I heard that these clients were a lesbian couple, I was like, Great, I’m a shoo-in. They wanted to meet informally before they hired me, so I donned my best muscle tee, which had gaping arm holes down to the waist, a backwards baseball cap, and my usual sandals that put me a comfortable two inches above the city sidewalk. This was in my baby trans...

Fri Feb 23, 2024 16:48
A Timeline of My Attempt to Drink a Beer on a Friday Night Before My Toddler Goes to Bed

6:00 p.m. I open a beer because it’s the end of the workweek, darn it, and I am still entitled to unwind with a drink even though a twenty-month-old may or may not be currently pulling all of our pot lids out of the cabinet and slamming them onto the kitchen floor over and over and over again in a headache-inducing manner that indicates she may have...

Fri Feb 23, 2024 15:45
Do We Need to Take This Outside?

You good, bro? Are you gonna lower your voice and leave my friends alone, or are we gonna have to take this outside, where the crisp, late-autumn air carries the sweet scent of decay, and in that decay, memories are held? I swear, if you take one more step toward me, I’ll have no trouble taking this outside. I have absolutely no problem catching the...

Thu Feb 22, 2024 20:09
How to Go to the Bathroom While Wearing a Jumpsuit

You step inside the bathroom and shut the door. You lock the door. Get a good look at yourself in the dim lighting. You look great. Remember this because you’re about to look more vulnerable than a baby antelope at the watering hole during lion lunch hour. Unsnap (they’re always snaps) the top two snaps. Then, resnap them. You go back to the door. Double-check...

Thu Feb 22, 2024 16:00
The Next Phase of the BCU (Beatles Cinematic Universe)

“The Beatles are getting the big-screen biopic treatment in a Fab Four of movies that will give each band member their own film.” — The Boston Globe - - -Following the success of Phase One, we’re beyond excited to announce Phase Two’s new slate expanding on the BCU’s characters, legacy, and stories for the next generation. Maxwell and the Mallet of...

Wed Feb 21, 2024 20:52

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