The Narrator of “Jessie’s Girl” Offers an Apology after Completing His Master’s in Women’s and Gender Studies

I want to begin by owning my white male privilege and apologizing to the American public, in particular to the woman who formerly dated my friend Jessie. I’m sorry that I still don’t know your name. I struggled with how to address you and decided on “Woman Who Formerly Dated My Friend Jessie” because it highlights your identity as a woman rather than...

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How to Talk to Your Child about the Second Blippi

Be honest Children are perceptive. Pretending everything is normal and insisting there is only one Blippi when your child can tell there are now two will only serve to confuse and frustrate them. Remind them this isn’t their fault When your child begins to realize that the Blippi they have come to know and love has been replaced by a weird, half-assed...

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Cormac McCarthy’s The Mall

If only there was not cause, thought the man, for the boy to accompany him here. To this place of commerce. But as the woman reminded him two hours prior, when she dropped off the boy in her Chevy Silverado, it was his weekend. The man grasped the boy’s hand tightly as they made their way across the asphalt expanse of the parking lot. Their breath spiraled...

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Peaches the Instagram Dachshund Wants a Cut

Hey. Wake up. It’s me, Peaches, and I just found out about @PeachesTheSausageDoggo on Instagram. And I want my cut. That’s right, I know all about the Chewy.com partner posts and the 365 Days of Peaches calendar. Over 120,000 followers, huh? Looks like you got about twenty grand coming in per year without paying a dime for labor. Honestly, I respect...

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How to Become a Professional Writer

Do you enjoy writing? Do you like the idea of taking the thing you love doing the most in the world and turning it into work? So that your access to food and shelter hinges on your ability to turn a creative outlet into a commercial product? Smart move. It sounds like you’d like to become a professional writer. The good news is there are many ways to...

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Food from The Great British Bake Off or Song by The Cure?

1. Angel Cake 2. Just Like Heaven 3. Genoise Sponge 4. A Japanese Dream 5. Charlotte Sometimes 6. Charlotte Royale 7. Icing Sugar 8. Mirror Glaze 9. Piggy in the Mirror 10. Cornish Pasties 11. Baked Alaska 12. Fire in Cairo 13. Black Forest Gateau 14. A Forest 15. The Hanging Garden 16. Small Edible Flowers 17. The Caterpillar 18. Clootie Dumpling 19....

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Macroeconomic Changes Have Made It Impossible for Me to Want to Pay You

“Google announced plans to lay off 12,000 people from its workforce Friday, while Microsoft said Wednesday that it’s letting go of 10,000 employees. Amazon also began a fresh round of job cuts that are expected to eliminate more than 18,000 employees and become the largest workforce reduction in the e-retailer’s 28-year history.” — CNBC, 1/18/23 - -...

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Bob Dylan’s The Philosophy of Modern Sitcoms

“[Dylan’s] ‘The Philosophy of Modern Song,’ an entire tome of wild, erratic writing about music that is sure to bedazzle and befuddle.” — Slate - - -Full House This is a show about the hell of modern life. The milkman, the paperboy, the evening TV—where did it all go? Vanished into the endless vacuum of time. You once had San Francisco in the palm of...

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Bob Dylan’s Philosophy of Modern Sitcoms

“[Dylan’s] ‘The Philosophy of Modern Song,’ an entire tome of wild, erratic writing about music that is sure to bedazzle and befuddle.” — Slate - - -Full House This is a show about the hell of modern life. The milkman, the paperboy, the evening TV—where did all go? Vanished into the endless vacuum of time. You once had San Francisco in the palm of your...

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What Colleges’ Emails Read Like to High School Seniors

FROM: Gouldsboro College Admissions Team SUBJECT: Apply today! Hi Katherine, As college deadlines roll around, we at Gouldsboro College encourage you to take a chance on our supportive learning community. Since our founding in 1923, Gouldsboro has given scholars from all over the country (and the world, probably) the skills they need to survive in...

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