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Take-Out Ordering Way Up Among Cats During Pandemic

A new study released today by the National Restaurant Association finds that take-out ordering was up 437% among cats in 2020. While take-out dining was already trending up, there was an extreme spike in March of last year as pandemic-related in-feline dining closures hit. “This mirrors what we’re seeing across other species,” said Restaurant...

Area Pup Sees No Value in Baths, Soap

After a weekend of muddy paws and sniffing everything on the local hiking trail, Skip was unpleasantly surprised when his mom dunked him in a huge puddle of previously invisible indoor water. “He really did not expect that,” says Martin Kelleher, a source familiar with the situation. “Then came the soap.” After a lot of squirming, yelping,...

Area Cat’s New Year’s Resolution of 2560×1440 Holding Steady

Psychologists will tell you, most New Year’s resolutions start to fade around February or March. But not for one steadfast feline. When the clock struck midnight on December 31, 2020, Marty made a commitment. “He decided it was time for an upgrade,” says Kate Heinz, Marty’s longtime life coach. “He’s been displaying at 1080p for the last 8 years....

Cat Has Existential Breakdown After Learning He Is AI-Generated

It was just another day for Muffles, an area cat who enjoys squirrel watching, scratching his favorite armchair, and CrossFit. That idyllic life ground to a halt when he discovered a new website. “He stepped on the keyboard by accident,” says Walter Kratt, a source close to the situation. “It must have loaded a bookmark.” The site...

Leaf Hat Blocks CIA Mind Control, Says Squirrel

The CIA has a mind control program that uses high powered microwaves to peer into your brain and steal your thoughts. At least, that’s what one local squirrel believes.According to a series of posts the squirrel made on Reddit, the CIA has been running this program since the mid-seventies, and in addition to mind reading, the government is also using...

Dog Remains Unconvinced Mystery Noise Is "House Settling"

It happened late on Friday evening. Ned the dog was minding his own business, chewing on some Dentastix, when he heard a sudden, loud creaking noise coming from upstairs.Sources close to the situation tell The Fluffington Post that Ned immediately jumped up and began barking hysterically. “He was going for near on 30 minutes,” said neighbor Connor Pilcher. “I...

Area Cat Has Serious Case of the Mondays

There’s only one thing Millie the cat hates more than the vacuum, and that’s Monday morning. After a long weekend spent sleeping, napping, grooming, preening, sleeping, and napping, the last thing Millie wants to do is drag herself out of bed.“I mean, I get it, none of us like getting out of a warm bed and trudging off to work,” said roommate Carly...

Guillermo del Toro’s Next Movie, “The Shape of Cats,” Is a Go

Fresh off his Oscar win for “The Shape of Water,” writer/director Guillermo del Toro has reportedly secured funding for a sequel called, “The Shape of Cats.”According to Deadline.com, del Toro has began writing the movie while making “Pacific Rim,” but decided to hold off until he felt special effects technology was up to the task of matching his vision. “The...

Cat is Fourth Pet to Resign from White House in a Year

Waffles the cat, who joined the White House as senior national security kitten in October, has resigned. Maggie Haberman of the New York Times broke the story overnight.This is the fourth major pet departure from the White House in just over a year. A few months ago, Waffles replaced Whiskers, who left abruptly after reports surfaced that she had spent...

Area Cat Saddened by Lack of New Fluffington Post Articles

A local cat is reportedly experiencing a sense of deep ennui over the lack of new articles in The Fluffington Post. Friends say the cat, Honey, has been moping around the house, mewling plaintively since the website stopped putting up regular updates.“It was her favorite website,” said the cat’s friend and confidant Millicent Darby. “She subscribed...

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