"A committee is a cul-de-sac down which ideas are lured and then quietly strangled."
"Sometimes the mind, for reasons we don't necessarily understand, just decides to go to the store for a quart of milk."
"Fortune does not change men, it unmasks them."
"The only people who find what they are looking for in life are the fault finders."
"We are an impossibility in an impossible universe."
"It's not true that life is one damn thing after another; it is one damn thing over and over."
"A man can sleep around, no questions asked, but if a woman makes nineteen or twenty mistakes she's a tramp."
"Mustard's no good without roast beef."
"A censor is a man who knows more than he thinks you ought to."
"The more I study religions the more I am convinced that man never worshipped anything but himself."
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