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Everything We Know About ‘Joker 2’

Following the release of the trailer for Joker: Folie à Deux, The Onion reveals everything we know about the sequel to the popular 2019 film.Read more...

Mon Apr 15, 2024 15:05
Congress Quickly Passes Funding For National Night-Light After Waking Up From Scary Dream

WASHINGTON—Calling an emergency session around 12:39 a.m., Congress quickly approved a bill for a national night-light Monday after waking up from a scary dream. “While we’re definitely not afraid of the dark, keeping a light on somewhere in the United States will be a source of comfort and make it easier to fall…Read more...

Mon Apr 15, 2024 15:05
Yoplait Label Warns Yogurts Must Reach Internal Temperature Of 165 Degrees Before Consumption

MINNEAPOLIS—Updating its packaging to include new USDA-mandated guidelines for safe yogurt preparation, Yoplait began warning Tuesday that its products must reach a minimum internal temperature of 165 degrees Fahrenheit prior to consumption. “Contents must be heated to 165°F/74°C or higher to destroy the bacteria…Read more...

Mon Apr 15, 2024 15:05
Campaign Tail

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Mon Apr 15, 2024 14:02
3 Rescued From Deserted Island After Spelling Out ‘Help’ On Beach

Three men who were stranded on an uninhabited island for over a week were rescued after spelling out “help” on the beach using palm leaves, helping the U.S. Coast Guard to spot them. What do you think?Read more...

Mon Apr 15, 2024 13:31
FDA Announces Their Fingers Smell Like Orange After Evaluating Some Oranges Earlier

SILVER SPRING, MD—Holding their fingers up under their noses, the Food and Drug Administration announced Monday that their fingers smelled like orange after evaluating some oranges earlier. “Smell them,” said FDA commissioner Robert M. Califf, who held his hands outstretched so that reporters could confirm the…Read more...

Mon Apr 15, 2024 13:01

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